Ask for what you want.
We don’t always do that.
Sometimes what we do is this…
We finger point.
And it feels really good for the short term.
It gets us out of responsibility.
But at the end of the day, it bites us in the ass!Sometimes what we do is this... We finger point. We blame. And it feels really good for the short term. It gets us out of responsibility. But at the end of the day, it bites us in the ass!Click To Tweet
Sometimes though, we don’t really realize we are finger pointing! It’s not something that is CONSCIOUS for us.
It is actually, something we do on autopilot.
One of my clients, Sally, had a very REAL issue, she couldn’t ask for money from a prospect!
She felt too pushy.
She felt obnoxious.
(hey friend, if you don’t think this applies to you because you aren’t selling to a prospective client.…let’s get real! You ARE selling something. Maybe it is getting a raise, pitching an idea, getting a co-worker to help you, getting your boss to back off, standing on stage getting people to sign up for your thing, getting your kid to pick up their damn room already!…..every single day we are selling)
Sally felt heavy-handed.
NONE of which was true!
If you met her, you would think she is the most confident, stable and sincere person!
The issue was this, her MOTHER was loud, pushy and obnoxious whenever her mother asked someone to do something for her.
In fact, this client was frequently embarrassed by her mother. She was able to see people’s reactions, and felt like her mother was blind to them!
Somewhere deep inside, she committed to “never be like my mother.”
Man, yep, it’s a mother story.
Now as a mama myself (my 12 y/o daughter is named, River),
I frequently wonder if I am doing this “right”.
I am sure it is the overthinking, psychotherapist, transformational women’s empowerment coach in me. Or the fact, I am just a normal mama wanting to do better for her daughter….relate?
But truth be told, and you know this to be true my friend, how we were raised, the stories we were told, all had an impact on us! whether we like it or not.
I helped my client, Sally, do some deep dive work so she could remove this lie from her subconscious!
This was the LIE:
“If I speak up and ask for what I want, then people will give me that look they gave my mother, and I will be perceived as pushy and obnoxious.
People will judge me.
I don’t want to make people uncomfortable.
If I am direct in asking for what I want, I will NEVER get it so why bother.
I must protect myself. I must be apologetic for what I want.
I must overdeliver so people will see I’m really a nice person.”
Every single day, literally, every day I have the honor of talking with some of the most incredible women on the planet.
Maybe you are one of those I have spoken with recently!!
This is the #boldtruth: MOST women do NOT speak up and ASK frequently enough!!
I promise, in fact, I pinky promise! IF you think you are pushy…you are not.
If you think you are overdoing it…you are not.
How do I know this is true?????
IF you worry about this… then it is not part of your nature!!
It’s people who have ZERO awareness that they are pushy who are pushy.
People who worry about being pushy are not.
Want to test this out?? think about someone you know who is pushy or think of a stereotype of a pushy person?? Do they seem self-aware??
The question for you today, dear friend,
Whose story are you living out? Do you have one like Sally? living out her mom’s story?
What is getting in your way of closing more deals, getting the raise, getting your kid to clean their room, getting your boss off you back???
I promise, if you don’t work on these things you will not have all the juice of life. You will continue to live with self-doubt.
You will erode your confidence.
BOLD Action Step:
- Write down the first 3 things that come to mind when I say….
- Now, examine this and ask yourself…”is this true for ME”?
- Write down a time when you WANTED to speak up and ask for what you wanted and didn’t.
- What did you miss out on?
- How does this impact your self-image and confidence?
- What is one way you could BE PREPARED next time a situation comes up that you want to speak up?
One of the things I like to do and what I teach my clients is “care enough to prepare”.
So this is care enough about yourself to be prepared before you go into a situation. (and care enough about the other person not to just wing it!)
Yeah, think ahead of time what you might say.
Get clear on your wants, dreams and desires.
Daily, remind yourself “I AM WORTHY.”
“WHATEVER IT TAKES.”
I wish someone would give it all to you on a platinum platter.
Won’t.I wish someone would give it all to you on a platinum platter. But. They. Won't.Click To Tweet
You my dear friend, are worthy of every single thing you want, every single thing that this amazing life has to offer!
You deserve to experience #theregretprooflife!
You don’t have to keep carrying around someone else’s story!
I believe in YOU!