I was speaking to a fantastic group of amazing women who all had some of the same issues (see if you can relate–When I asked them where they hold themselves back this is what they said)

• I don’t raise my hand even though I know the answer, and I hate it when a man speaks up and it’s my fucking answer!!
• I hide
• I have insecurities
• I am afraid to do it wrong
• I worry about what my family will think
• I fear that what I really want is not something I can really attain.
• I don’t know why I hold myself back. It’s those thoughts in my head I can’t stop thinking about.
• Fear of failure
• Fear of success
• I don’t want to be rejected

And then I asked how are you suffering by not going for it?

• Not living out my whole potential
• Yes, I am bored
• Yes, I tend to burn the candle at both ends by doing home and work stuff at home every day before and after work.
• I don’t take time to relax at home or do an activity for fun. I don’t work out or do other activities that I enjoy or would like to make progress on.
• I have a hard time getting to bed and usually don’t fall asleep until between 130 and 2 AM. I usually get five or six hours of sleep.
• I’m always tired, and worn out but always trying to get something done!
• Yes… I feel unfulfilled and distracted
• Yes living paycheck to paycheck
• I’m tired and frustrated.

These are answers from women 25-65 ish…give or take, I suck at age guessing now!!

Anyway, I hear this over and over.

So what did I do????

I puked, I vomited, I overwhelmed and overdelivered…..and I am positive I really didn’t help a single one of them.

You see, I even asked them if they do any “self” work as in, do you read personal development work? Do you think about how you can handle situations differently…etc.

And 3 women, yeah 3 women out of huge group said yes the did some work.

The rest stared at me like I had just told them they were failures.

The rest stared at me like I was asking them to do something hard.

The rest stared at me like….give me the answer to help me stop doubting, stop buying into my insecurities, give me the answer to fucking fix me feeling like crap all the time about myself!

God.

The.

Pain.

In.

My.

Heart.

Yes, I was heartbroken.

These beautiful, divine, amazing, brilliant women sitting there with the funk of self-doubt all over them.

Why!!

Why!???

So what does a good social worker/coach/human do???

I gave them as much as I possibly could in 35 minutes.

Years of my knowledge.

Years.

I tried to squeeze 25+ years of personal development, mindset, cognitive behavioral tricks, and the like into

35 minutes.

And they left, covered with my word vomit.

They left overwhelmed.

They left with too much to do and I only added to their already too long crazy busy list.

I failed them. 

It’s not because I can’t help, because I help women every day who feel like that.

It’s just, in truth, I over-delivered to ease their pain and in reality, didn’t help.

Giving them a full medicine cabinet doesn’t work.

So, by the time you are reading this, I will have given a new talk.

Shared bite-sized content that the women at the leadership group can digest.

Implementable.

Aha worthy.

I won’t add to their overwhelming, I will ease it.

Follow me over on Instagram and I’ll update you!

https://instagram.com/marybicknellbebold/

(and I am pumped that River, my 12 y/o daughter gets to go and hear me speak)

I know if you are here, you either a. want to improve your own personal growth & development!! cool and/or b. you are helping people in some fashion with your work.

Today, think about if you are overdelivering in a way that really isn’t helpful.

Yes, you so much want to help, I know!! Sometimes less is best!

Hugs,

Mary

p.s. really have you ever been in an audience wanting to learn something and have the speaker just give so much content you couldn’t take it in? or what about this, have you ever been doing a presentation OR a sales call and you just keep going and going and going??

How can you pull back just a little so people can really GET what you are saying!

Okay, that feels better!!

I needed to write this just as a reminder for me today!

Alright,, off to get showered and dressed!!

#bebolditstime for you to experience #theregretprooflife for yourself!!

https://instagram.com/marybicknellbebold/

This photo here, remember there is time for you to have the life you really want!! There is time to get over all that crappy thinking!

There is time to make yourself proud!