ZERO competition. Is this like ZERO eff’s?

Hey, so if you are a Bravo t.v. housewives fan, you know Erika Jayne sings about giving ZERO eff’s (haven’t heard it…kinda raw, kinda crass and kinda girl powery)

bravo tv housewife erika jayne giving zero fucks

Own who you are. How to do this? Who are you? When you are able to clearly understand, state and celebrate all the cool, amazing and extraordinary qualities you have….watch out! And also celebrate what may be considered “not great” qualities. Now, don’t get all bogged down with those, you need to shoot for a list 80% “positive” and 20% “negative”. Right! Live by the 80/20 rule. (like eating greens and good food 80% of the time and then don’t beat yourself up to death by indulging in some of that yummy chocolate I told you about in a COOL THINGS FRIDAY #1)

When you own who you are there is no competition, give zero eff's! Click To Tweet

One of a kind. Forever. YOU never again. Special. 

#1: List out 100 qualities that make you unique. Make you who you are. Make you different. Not just in biz, but in your life.

I’ll start with a few things (in no particular order!) 

  1. I’m funny
  2. I am very loving
  3. I am extremely loyal
  4. I think big
  5. I go for it even if I stalled a tiny bit out of fear
  6. I am an amazing mother
  7. I am a fantastic wife and lover
  8. I am giving to people I care about
  9. I hide behind a tough exterior and am learning to show more of the softer and more vulnerable side of me (like NOW!)
  10. I have convictions about morals, life and expectations that I stand behind, even if it offends some (fuck’m:)!
  11. I champion women
  12. I love learning, and am getting ready to take several online cooking courses 
  13. I am a big picture kinda of woman, and don’t like doing all the tiny details even if I love hearing the outcomes!
  14. I am get bitchy when frustrated with what I believe should be simple!



The first researcher who coined the term IMPOSTER was Dr. Pauline Clance.

Here is a little piece from her website to explain.

Most people who experience the Impostor Phenomenon (IP) would not say,”I feel like an impostor.” Yet, when they read or hear about the experience, they say, “How did you know exactly how I feel?” And how do they feel? Even though they are often very successful by external standards, they feel their success has been due to some mysterious fluke or luck or great effort; they are afraid their achievements are due to “breaks” and not the result of their own ability and competence. They are also pretty certain that, unless they go to gargantuan efforts to do so, success can not be repeated. They are afraid that next time, I will blow it.

I experienced IP feelings in graduate school. I would take an important examination and be very afraid that I had failed. I remembered all I did not know rather than what I did. My friends began to be sick of my worrying, so I kept my doubts more to my self. I thought my fears were due to my educational background. When I began to teach at a prominent liberal arts college with an excellent academic reputation, I heard similar fears from students who had come for counseling. They had excellent standardized test scores grades and recommendations. One of them said, “I feel like an impostor here with all these really bright people.” In discussing these students, Dr. Suzanne Imes and I coined the term “Impostor Phenomenon” and wrote a paper on the concept.


What if you are normal? What if feeling like omg, what if they find out was normal? What if feeling like a fraud or a fake is part of the breakthrough that comes with growth? Yeah, take that in…1st allow yourself to realize there is zero competition and you can give zero fucks if you like, and then what if feeling like an imposter was needed as part of your growth??


#3: Vision Board: 3 words to live by in the new year.

I am having a group of women over for a vision board event. It’s free. It’s exciting!

One of the things I shared with is this: pick 3 words to use as your theme for the year. Now, this isn’t about having resolutions because most of us fail at those. This is about learning to commit your word to your own evolution.

My words and the why:

Compassion: It’s time to be nicer to me, more patient with others….

Commitment: Can I be honest? okay, cool thanks. I dont’ always follow through on stuff. Yeah, and it makes me feel like a freaking fool, a loser, a fake, a bad mother, a bad example, a bad self-care provider, a bad wife, daughter….you get it.

I have let myself down so many times with my failure to follow through on my commitments.

Now, I can say with all compassion (see how i just did that there :)?)

I am committed to calendaring (I’ll share that on another 3 cool things Friday so you can benefit from my ability to figure out the easyest, fastest and most precise way to do this…it’s all about saying time and that overlaps with clearing!)

Clearing; I am getting rid of anything that a. causes me stress, b. doesn’t serve, c. doesn’t allow me to use my brilliant amazing gifts to serve the world, d, doesn’t make me money, e. gets in the way of growth….or gets in the way of me finding a great outfit to wear (clearing out my wardrobe) or gets in the way of having super high energy (sugar) or gets in the way of me having mental space to THINK (anything and everything that is “errand” like so I have made a commitment to my personal assistant she will get paid whether I need her or not, which of course will never happen)

The 3 c’s. And as a very personal side note on this. It overlaps with teaching my daughter Dale Carnegie‘s  how to win friends and influence people. There is a tween book written by his daughter. The 3 c’s are: don’t complain, condemn, or criticize. And this lines up perfectly with my compassion!

Okay, now look, not every time do the year long theme words line up like this, so frankly it’s kinda cool. AND the woo woo side of me thinks, WHOA, the big U is really trying to teach me something, guide me gently and support my deep desire to achieve!

Keep an eye out for the images from the workshop!

I believe in you more than you will ever know,



when you own who you are you can give zero fucks, stop feeling like an imposter and own it!