Trauma comes in several forms.
Emotional trauma, psychological trauma and physical trauma.
Here are some of the symptoms:
- shock
- denial
- anger
- feeling numb
- anxiety
- confusion
- disbelief
- nightmares
- racing heart
- fatigue
- guilt
- blame
- shame
- fear
Any one of these symptoms can have dramatic effects on your day to day. What seem to be the most consistently spoken about are: guilt, shame, blame and fear. Why do we feel guilty about a trauma that has happened to us? How does this become shame? Who is to blame for these feelings? And, does the fear of never getting over the trauma go away?
Perhaps we think the fear goes away, but often times we play the same trauma out over and over and over again and continue to breathe life into our fear.
When women suffers any type of trauma it actually impacts everything. Her mind, body and spirit.
Everything.
The impact, one could argue, actually kills her and a new person is born.
Who would you have become had you not suffered from trauma? Would you have gotten a different job? Married a different man?
Who would you have become without the feelings of shame, guilt, fear or blame?
Can you experience those feelings without having suffered a terrible trauma?
Yes.
Yes, you can experience those feelings even if you weren’t beaten as a child, yelled at, raped, left behind, in war, car accident and on and on.
Brené Brown says shame is “an intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging. Women often experience shame when they are entangled in a web of layered, conflicting and competing social-community expectations. Shame creates feelings of fear, blame and disconnection.”
Have you ever had the experience of being in a room full of people, adults, and you thought, “I don’t belong here.” and you feel that pressure in your chest? That burning on your face? That oh too familiar feeling and UNWORTHINESS?
That is shame.
What about getting ready for a date and you have a pit in your gut worrying, fearing he: a. is not going to like you b. find you attractive c. is going to manipulate you d. be rude e. disrespect you f. fail to call again?
That is fear.
Did you say the wrong thing, hurt another persons feelings and think about it over and over?
That is guilt.
Who have you finger pointed at? When have you not taken responsibility for your side of the street?
That is blame.
While trauma can be the seed to all of these feelings, it doesn’t have to be.
The cause can come from your false self. The part of you who is afraid to shine, to be visible, to live out loud, the part of you who hides. The part of you who shows up wearing your best mask for whatever the circumstances call for can be the one who has these feelings.
When you are your true self, you won’t have these feelings.
When you are aware of your true self the bright, brilliant, amazing and shiny you, you will not need to hold onto the guilt, the shame, the blame or the fear.
You will recognize these feelings are not who you are they are only part of a core belief your false self has manufactured.
The more you allow yourself to truly, completely be visible the more you will recognize there is no blame or fear. The more you realize there is no room for guilt or shame.
Once you release the mask, once you honor the reality that seeking perfection according to your Love Role Model or society or the latest magazine, once you allow yourself to be authentic, then the pain of these feelings will not be so crushing.
They will no longer stop you from being the you the world needs you to be!
Even if we have experienced real trauma, we can learn to release these feelings. Perhaps the mask you wear is because of trauma or perhaps it is because of self-doubt.
Healing trauma and allowing yourself to take off the mask, even if that is scary, will allow your true self to come through. It will allow you to let down the mighty weight of these four core feelings.
Action Steps:
- Recognize when you are experiencing; fear, blame, shame or guilt
- Ask yourself honestly where this feeling is coming from? Did you really do something “wrong” or is it part of your story.
- Write it all down. (The very act of writing uses a different part of your brain and will allow you to process it on another level) Write down the feelings, the action, the problem the before, the after-all of it.
- Now re-write a new story. In vivid detail. When you recreate a new story you anchor in new feelings and emotions about what has occurred.
- Listen here for some more insight as to what is missing for you.
I believe in you!
Life is about relationships, make the one with YOU extraordinary!
