I’ll just have the left overs.

I’m good with mediocre.

I’m not worthy.

I’m not good enough.

I’m scared.

I’m okay with crumbs.

When you think like this, you are telling the Universe you settle.

(here is a video about settling in your relationships….)

So, how to know if you are settling is the question today.

Well, first take a deep breath and hold onto your pants, because I am going to give a little love here.

You settled because you didn’t know you didn’t have to.

Yes, that’s right. We sometimes get into a bad pattern of behavior, a misguided way of looking at the world, or we just didn’t know better.

Well guess what? You don’t have to settle. And just in case you don’t know what settling looks like, here you go:

  1.  You allow others to get the best seat, piece of cake, blanket, or whatever it is—you allow others to get the BEST of something and you take what is LEFT OVER.–settling
  2.  You knew in your GUT (aka your divine intuition) he was WRONG FOR YOU with a capital ‘W’ and you went out, had sex, had a kid, got married, had another date etc ANYWAY!–settling
  3.  You took the job with the asshole boss just because you were too afraid to keep looking. I mean, the job was “pretty good.” By the way, PRETTY GOOD is code for SETTLING.–settling
  4.  You bought the cheaper __________ (fill in the blank) because the really awesome one, the one your GUT really desired was a little too _________ (fill in the blank: expensive, pretty, flashy, what would people think)–settling
  5.  You keep hanging out with the friend who drains your energy. She never talks about anyone but herself; she never asks you questions about you, but you reason it is better than being alone.–settling

Five examples give you an idea, right?

You know if you are settling when what you really want is not what you allow yourself to have or do.

Settling comes from low self worth, from society, from your mama and from a variety of messengers just making sure you know you can’t have it all.

Not today friends, not today.

You deserve it all.You deserve to settle no more.

What tools do you need to stop this madness?

The two main keys are confidence and self-love.

When you settle, you are saying you don’t care for yourself. Now don’t get huffy if that offended you.  And don’t try to justify your choices. You know if I am talking to you.

Let me ask you this, close your eyes and picture yourself as a beautiful, vibrant 10 year old girl.

Now ask that sweet girl, “Do you want to settle, do you want mediocre or do you want me to be brave and confident so our dreams come true?” What did she say?

You see when we were little we thought SO BIG, SO BOLD, SO BRAVE and somewhere along the way we lose this if we are not vigilant.

Settling is just a form of not living our best life, not being all we can be, not having all there is to enjoy and settling is also not giving to the world all you can be.

Today you can choose to stop settling and gain more self love and confidence!


1. List the top 5 things you do well. Do you recognize your skills and accomplishments?

2. Organize one small thing (purse, drawer, closet) and make a list of small tasks you are committed to doing (bug list). Get on top of the little bugging things on your to do list, celebrate when you SCRATCH IT

3. Take some time just for you, some down time.      Do you take care of yourself?

4. Check out your style, wardrobe and appearance. Are you investing time and money into it?

5. Track how you talk to yourself. Every time a negative comment comes up, counter it with the opposite. (sometimes I have clients write this out, or use the microphone on their phone to say positive comments and then listen to them)

6. List 10 things you love doing and open the calendar and plan it out.

7. The very next time you find yourself wanting settle, stop and make a new choice. Ask yourself what triggered you to almost choose settling? The situation? The person?

8. Get rid of people, places and things causing harm to your confidence. Start slowly.

9. Ask for what you need.

10. Finally, seek out support when needed. When you get to the point of releasing the need to settle, kicking mediocre to the curb–the whole world opens up for you!

Keep a look out on the blog for more information on building your confidence and loving yourself more every day.