How well do you take care of yourself? How well do you take care of your relationship?

I understand what it is like push ‘AUTOPILOT‘, it can be pretty easy. I will let you know though, it is a trap! It is a big, dark hole. It is the death of a relationship.

John, River and I just got back from a week in Hawaii. Kinda cool too, because my dad and his fiance were also there. We spent some time with them. Big deal as this was our first family trip.

I chose to treat this vacation like I treat our relationship. Some time was scheduled and some time was spontaneous. We scheduled time around spending a few hours with Dad and Sandi.  John and I wanted to see the Green Sand Beach and the Black Sand Beach. River wanted to play on the beach, go tide pooling,  and swim with the dolphins.

We did all those things and plenty more.

What I made sure of,  though, was that our schedule did not over take the possibility of spontaneity  That our schedule did not become sooo jam packed we were too tired to fully ENJOY each other.

Is your schedule so packed you can’t have any spontaneous fun?

Well, truth be told, I BUILT IN TIME FOR SPONTANEOUS FUN. Yes, it was in the schedule. Why?

Haven’t you ever just had a list of things to do that was a mile long? Haven’t you ever felt like you would never get to the end?

What about if you reached the end? Ever have the feeling it really was not very SATISFYING?

I didn’t want to do that with this vacation. I chose to build in time for spontaneous fun and pared down my list of “must see this while on the Big Island”.

By doing that I was able to feel as though I was tending to myself, taking care of myself, loving myself. I wanted to be satisfied at the end of the vacation. I wanted to feel complete when I returned home.

And you know what? I do.

This was not the easiest lesson for me. The lore of falling back into the old habit of being busy is there. At what price?  My greatest fear is to wake up and realize a day, a week, a month has just slipped by. Gone forever.

It took very concentrated effort for me to practice loving myself the way I want to be loved. And a huge part of that is to be aware, awake and present.

Many women tell me they just don’t feel like they can build time in to take care of themselves. Or, the notion of “scheduling” spontaneity or sex for that matter, sounds terrible. They want it to be free and easy.

Is that reality in today’s world? What with the mortgage, the groceries, the dog poop etc, etc, etc.

I want to give you the assignment of building into your schedule a little spontaneous time.  Put it on the calendar as an appointment. Yes, block it out.  And refuse to allow (and you would be allowing) anything to interfere.   You deserve this time. You need this time. Your beloved will benefit, your children will benefit, and you will benefit.

Nurture your connection. Tend to your relationship. Enjoy the concept of scheduled spontaneity. Just try it, I promise you will feel satisfied.

To your Amazing Relationships,